Infinity in the Palm of My Hand

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

And then there's Mayu...

If Mayu was a character on Star Trek, she would be the core specification of all the talking animals requested on the Holodeck. If Commander Riker wants a talking Emu to play the saxophone and talk jazz with him after taking some simulated Mescalin, the holodeck computer consults this specification intently. It is written in an extremely compressed form of the Ferengi language, the ONLY form in which the specification can be written due to the special properties of 3D-projection the language inherits from it's root language in hyperspace. Some argue that this very idea of ONE specification for talking animals goes against the very plausible conjecture put forth by Earth's Wittgenstein ("IF a lion could talk, we would not understand him." Philosophical Investigations, II, xi, p. 223.), but it has not yet come to pass that anyone has actually *asked* for a talking Emu that could scientifically explain it's acquisition of language. And perhaps this is the great flaw and tragedy of the dreams and hopes the crew enacts in the confines of the holodeck. Realizing this, Mayu has been heard to sigh when the ship's historian asks for a re-enactment of the beginning's of the AIDS virus among homo sapiens.

Alas, idle (and drunken) minds are...

If Eric was a character on Star Trek, he would be a lonesome robot (Class K45), roaming the small pathways between the ship's (Enterprise-D) hull and decks, looking for hull breaches, space cockroaches and other miscellenay to report to the ship's computer, with which he is in love. A bit of a masochist, he savours getting shocked from his recharging pod and bumping into walls. Also mischevious by nature, this little tin can on wheels is responsible for various glitches in the ship's operation at the most inopportune times, such as when the crew initiated the Tacyon beams to create a time warp but instead the beam spelled out in a dust cloud the phrase "So long, and thanks for all the fish", a crime for which the Captain reprimanded him severly (cleaning the holodeck).

If Vipul was a character on Star Trek, he would be a subroutine of the ship's computer that redirects tasks to other subroutines. Written in the heyday before NP=P was proven to hold, the designers thought it negligible yet fun to make him run in EXPTIME. He therefore even tries to redirect the task of redirecting tasks to other subroutines, each of which eventually pass the message to each of the 2,789,434,987 other daemons in the system. Usually the traffic/communication monitoring subroutine gets so fed up with these messages that it forgoes it's own tasks in order to do some redirecting itself. Thus, at any one time either Vipul is listening in on romantic conversations throughout the ship, or he is trying to alter his own code to be freed from his special purpose. In both cases, however, the ship's communication system momentarily fails to deliver the priority message "Computer" causing all the inhabitants to be the participants in the universe's largest display of confusion, where the word "Computer" is uttered within a span of 3 minutes in hundreds of different languages (by Federation standards of course).

If Mike was a character on Star Trek, he would be a brain in a vat, housed in the ship's experimental medical lab for what purpose only a few know. Scientists constantly stimulate various centres in this quasi-silicon based brain to (i) mimic the sensory perceptions one would receive in 20th century Earth and (ii) hopefully generate a powerful yet unpredictable set of waves emanating from the neocortex, usually measured when the 'subject' believes it is sitting in an electrical massage chair 'at' Fairview mall 'in' Toronto for which he paid $2 for approximately 2 minutes of masseuse like action. These waves are so powerful that they have been shown to, after entering a black hole, relaying *back* a few seconds of Jimmy Hendrix's guitar solo of the American National anthem at Woodstock. Catching on to his plight and situation, Mike has thought very very hard to move the blue (#0000FF) chair in the lab (Unbeknownst to him, it's actually #0033FF) and whisper sweet nothings into Dr.Sheela's ear (Unbeknownst to him, the scientists have wired his speech output signals to power the 'swoosh' noise that occurs when crew members approach doors).

If Mash was a character on Star Trek, he would be the token Klingon warrior, head of security for numerous Federation and Klingon outposts. Due to a strict and mildly abusive childhood (being taught the language from a rhyming Klingon dictionary), he tends to speak in flawless iambic pentameter, with the very frequent rhyming couplet to complete his sentences. As such, he is an accomplished poet and speaker. He has, however, been unable to reproduce the prose of 20th century Earth's E.E.Cummings, once calling the poet's broken and stream-of-consciousness style 'perceptive to a fault'. A master at the Klingon martial art Mok'bara, he tends to direct his attacks using a variation of an air horn attached to his larynx, however, stunning his attackers with guttural, reptilian sounds from the depths of his being. As a result of this, he has developed a new martial art consisting only of sounds. He also likes watching sunsets in quadruple star systems, and howling at the moon.

-Eric

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Kill Bill...

Vol. 1 was a disappointment (which does not imply "not worth watching")...looking forward to Vol. 2 which will, hopefully, be better...and anyways, can't get enough of exotic, other-worldly Uma Thurman...releases on April 16...will be able to make it to the first show...

Discussing life...

Had an interesting discussion with Mike and Eric on Hinduism...have had a lot of those discussions with different people over the past one year...and I'm glad that I'm able to speak so often about something that is very close and important to me...every such discussion (since it is open to questioning and criticism) reinforces my faith in the philosophy of life I believe in...hadn't really figured out what being a Hindu meant to me until about 16 months ago, when things became a lot clearer, and I became a lot more comfortable about my beliefs...since then, even though I'm still far from being the way I want to be, I've become better at dealing with what life throws at me...

The sun has come out after a bleak morning...and the music is good...having "that" would be nice right now, wouldn't it?...