Infinity in the Palm of My Hand

Monday, July 26, 2004

"Bart Lists" for grad students

"Not necessarily" is not a cop-out for faculty.
Gossiping about a supervisor's love life is not an acceptable form of socialbonding.
Imitating professors is not as fun as it seems.
Substitute teaching is not against the union's regulations.
Research is not plaigarism.
Research does make a difference.
Meetings are not "pointless".
I will not call departmental politics the "hobgoblin of little minds".
Grad students do not always hang out at the pub.I will not annoy my supervisor.
I will not doubt my supervisor.
I will do everything my supervisor says.
Knowing how to teach is not a requirement for faculty.
My lab mate is not "fucking hot".
I will not trade higher marks for sex.
I will not sleep with undergraduate students.
My supervisor's daughter does not look "funny".
My supervisor's taste in music is not "precambrian".
My supervsor's health is more important than my own.
I do not believe everything I read.
Academia is not like the entertainment industry.
A Ph.D program is not an excuse for mediocrity.
The "real world" does not exist.
Sex is an option.
Marx's "substructure" is not the primary force in history.
I will not flush more than once.
I will always flush at least once.
I will not annoy the support staff for fun.
Making fun of the support staff's ignorance is not fun.
Funny noises are not funny.
Technical support is a noble profession.
I am not a unique snowflake.
I am not Jack's complete lack of surprise.
I will stop making "Fight Club" references in meetings.
I will not eat more than one free cookie.
I will not laugh discretely.
The new faculty member does not have "a nice rack".
I will stop making funny lists.
Specialization is not the primary reason for civilization's demise.
I should not be making millions of dollars by now.
I saw nothing unusual in the faculty lounge.
I will not cancel office hours unless I'm sick.
I do not require 3 square meals a day.
I will not strut around like I own the place.
I will not surprise the incontinent [this one is Bart's, couldn't help it].
I have not earned my thousand yard stare.
I will not close the office door open when meeting with sexy undergrads.
Jewish jokes and meetings do not mix.
I am not here on a Beer Chugging scholarship.
I am not the reincarnation of Newton.
There are _four_ food groups; candy bars are not one of them.
Tech support will not help you "download porn faster".
My thesis is not on "funny sounds I can make with my armpit".
The university frowns on people reselling their office supplies.
That is not my chair; it belongs to the university.
I am not allowed to do that to the lab mice.
Funding to study "Wings Nite" at the pub is not available.
Conferences are not "paid vacations".
Refeereeing for the journal my supervisor edits is an essential part of my training.
The only liquid allowed in the coffee-pot is coffee.
Just because "pants" aren't listed with "shirts & shoes" doesn't   mean that they're not required.
I will wear different clothes each day.
I will stop telling the Master's students what "behooves" them (For Ph.D. students).
I will not address the secretaries as "'hon".
I will not address my supervisor's wife as "babe".
My supervisor's wife does not consider their marriage "open".
My supervisor's wife is not to know that he does.
Undergrads are not in different position on the food-chain than I am.
I will not use undergrads as slaves, nor call them "boy".
I will not obstruct the bar at the grad/faculty mixer.
My data is more important than keeping my eyebrows.
I only think that sign on the lab door is funny.
The "Emancipation Proclamation" does not directly relate to me.
That was not an "error" I found in my supervisor's paper: it was a "different opinion on the results".
I should be happy that my external is so harsh.
I have no need to defend until my supervisor's house has been totally re-painted.
She was not my "lab-partner" and the grant will not pay for her.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


In a world without walls, who needs gates or windows?...

Indian Black Sabbath?

Indian Ocean - Jhini - After The War

Monday, July 12, 2004

I need a simpler time, a simpler place, a simpler people..